goodgravy

I’ve been thinking of starting up a restaurant. Not that I have any money at the moment (panhandlers rake in more dough than I do), but I’m thinking about future endeavors. What are my passions? I asked myself. Well, there’s making sure my stinky pets don’t die, going out on the town, wearing weird clothes, eating cheese…

AHA, I thought. The best way to combine my passions is…to open up a restaurant! A CHEESE RESTAURANT.

Introducing The Olde Cheese Plantation, circa 2017. I’m going to model it after my favorite fatty family dine-in, Fuddruckers.  It’s going to have a retro 1995 vibe, and there will be special booths to sit in, like the Leonardo DiCaprio So Dreamy Booth and the Rosie O’Donnell Booth for Large Families. That’s not even the important part though. The main attraction is going to be the menu, which is 100% cheese friendly. That’s right. We’re not going to skimp like some sort of Applebees. You can get whatever cheese-centric dish you desire, like mac n’ cheese, or fruit n’ cheese, or steak-fried cheese, or whatever, and we will cook with only the finest cheeses. We’re talking awesome cheddars from around the world, like Old Amsterdam and shit. Oh so savory! Also, because I am the captain of the ship here, instead of soda fountains there will be beer and hard cider fountains, and kids get cheese milkshakes free after they order a lot of food and pay money for it.

So I’m pretty excited for this. Get on the streets and spread the hype about The Olde Cheese Plantation, only ten delicious years away. However, I know this is a real money maker and you are probably tempted, but don’t steal my idea man. If you do I am going to send you an angry letter and litter your driveway with cigarette butts.

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