goodgravy

I’m starting to feel rather feminist. It’s not that I have anything personal against men. I think you are all solid dudes. But I’m not very happy about some of the crap I’ve been getting just because I’m female. First there was the whole Nordstrom thing, where they will only hire males to work in the shoe department. Then I just got a retarded bill from my health insurance company, raising my rate $50 a month because of “medical issues.” And pray tell, what are my medical issues? I experience “painful cramps” and “PMS” on occasion. Ohhh hell no. I called them up, and I was like, are you serious?! How can you rationally justify that charge? EVERY WOMAN HAS A PERIOD. GET OVER IT. They said I need to get a doctor’s note to challenge the charges. Ridiculous, just ridiculous. I have better things to do than read old issues of Highlights for Kids and cover my face with mosquito netting while I wait for an hour at the doctor’s office.

So I am pretty mad about that, plus old men seem to think they can ask me out on dates which is mad creepy and I need some sort of visual equivalent of a wedding ring to keep them from approaching. Maybe like a gold broach that says “back off gramps I listen to the rap music.” It’s not really true, but white lies are okay in these situations.

Also I was driving and this slow car got up in my area and I was like, “What a douche.” And then I got mad, because I was calling someone a feminine cleansing product and that is not even a really good insult. It’s sexist, that’s what is. Like, you’re so stupid, you clean out vaginas! That’s lame. I mean, douches aren’t actually that hygienic and aren’t recommended because they can irritate the vaginal canal and all that, but still. There is no male equivalent to the insult and that bugs me. What can I say? “You’re a penis cleaner.” “Wow you’re such a prostate exam.” “Check out that dude. What a urethral probe!”

No. It doesn’t work. You can call someone a dick, which I do often, but that just implies they are mean. Calling someone a douche is like saying they are sleazy or super retarded or both, and I think that’s worse. So please, if you are going to use words concerned with the genitals as insults, think about the women. The next retard who takes your parking spot is not a “douche,” but a “painful bleeding circumsion.”