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Mary Higgins Clark. SMELL THE TALENT. She is my favorite author even though I have never read any of her books. No wait, Mom gave me one. It really stank, and by that I mean it stank very well.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW?: A Future Review.

When I read this book I will be wearing really fat pajamas. I just know it is going to start out with jaw dropper: the family dog has a chip planted under its skin! It gets out, and then the dogsitter, our hot 39 year old protagonist, freaks out. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?! she screams. Suddenly, out of the blue, her dead husband reaches out to her from beyond the grave. I’m at the grocery store! he says. ARE YOU…WHERE? she yells, clutching at her turtleneck. He whispers that there is a sale on radishes, because he loves her and has come back to guide her. WHAT? she says. But he doesn’t respond, because he knows she will be okay now, and then the dog comes back. At this point, 457 pages into the novel, I will be eating tons of bonbons, because as we all know there is a wicked Higgins conclusion coming up. And I will be ready.

There is no dog!  And the microchip was in the hot protagonist’s shoulder the whole time. The book ends as she wails WHERE AM I NOW?! and then pulls out a gps and says OH RIGHT THERE.

Wow. Don’t you want to get all up in your fat pants and start reading now? Well that makes two of us!

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