goodgravy

Woooo! I got a check in the may-aaiil. So what if I am not pursuing my dream job, I still got paid to write. $50 fat dollars you guys. Now I just have to decide what to spend it on. (Probably chocolate or used clothes.)

It’s all just as well because I bet Santa will be a stingy jerk. Though to be honest I have kind of been a butt this year. Just the other day my friend I were playing at park in flagrant violation of the “No adults unless accompanied by children” rule. It’s hard not to be bad.

Anyway, December is the time for making lists. Music nerds are going to make their Best of 2008, spoiled kids are going to make their Santa I Want A Lot Of Things And Also A Pony, and trashy magazines are going to do 100 Most Embarrassing Celebrity Sweat Stains. I went with the flow and made my own list,

Really Awesome Things:

Number One is the bison in Golden Gate park. How awesome is it to go take a jog and see some bison rolling around in the mud on the way? I have to give mad props to my friend for showing me them.

Number Two is all the saucy books at the Goodwill. Just try not to think that someone’s grandma may have died while reading one. They are only two dollars!

Number Three is carbonated beverages. Gets that caffeine in your system faster. Plus, burps.

Number Four is cheap gas.

Number Five is radical kerchiefs, which I prefer over scarves. Also they are way more practical, like if you suddenly need to go rob a store or drive-by shoot a clown, you’re all set.

And in conclusion, Things That Should Be Awesome But Aren’t Really That Great

1. Scented candles. They all just smell like burning.

2. Frozen burritos

3. Long sleeve shirts. But on dudes they are A-okay.

4. Red Bull Cola. No way.

5. Christmas presents for pets. If they are super happy with wrapping paper then there is no way they are getting some $15 piece of junk from the pet store.

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