goodgravy

One thing that really does not belong in candy is raisins. I’m looking at you, Raisinets. First off, raisins are cheaper than chocolate, and by buying raisin-filled over chocolate-filled chocolates you are getting less bang for your buck. Secondly, I have spent enough time as a movie theater concessionist to know that raisin candies are a favorite among the elderly, and that alone should make you suspicious. If people over 70 are enjoying it, it is probably not a real candy. Put that shit next to the individually wrapped prunes in the preserves aisle.

Another thing that does not belong in candy is peanuts. They are the crappiest and cheapest of all the nuts, and hell no I do not want them in my candies. At least put some effort and sugar into it and make them into peanut butter filling. Otherwise they are just a waste of valuable chocolate space.

I would also like to add black licorice as an unacceptable candy component. Generally it is sold on it’s own, and that is just fine with me, but when it sneaks into delicious treats it is awful. The black licorice experience is like going to your great-aunt’s and eating one of the mints she has a dish filled with and then gagging because it is really part of her antique 1800s cough drop collection. Mondo gross.

And even though I already covered raisins, I am going to extend the list of no-nos to all fruits in general. I love fruits, honestly, but there is a time and place for them and that place is not candy time. I’m pretty sure I am not the only one who will pick everything out of a See’s box of assorted except the fruit chocolates. And every one knows that if you accidentally pick a cherry filling one, you are supposed to spit it out and put it back in the box.

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