goodgravy

You know you are living in a good city when you come back and there is like a parade of nasty folks waiting for you. Yesterday I was in the car, waiting to get off the freeway and into the city, and this girl in front of us blew mad chunks on the ground. MAD CHUNKS! It was grisly, man. We were stopped behind her, and then suddenly she opened her car door and spewed out all this barf on the ground. Then she closed the door. Fifteen seconds later she opened the door again and ralphed out another batch. Then the light turned green and she drove off all casually.

But that was not even nasty compared to what I saw today. I went to get an excellent quesadilla at lunch and this girl was waiting in line in front of me. The only reason I really noticed her is because she had gross short hair and was wearing capri sweatpants and sandals, and I don’t really like those capris/sandals/gross short hair girls. Then when she was ordering I happened to look down and I saw the fur forest that was her legs. Oh man she was like a real-life Bigfoot from the knees down! We’re talking wicked curly dark man hair on her legs, and she was just showing that shit off with her sweatpant capris. I mean, it’s definitely pants and socks weather here. She was showing off for sure. I just wanted to go drive off and barf in the middle of an intersection.

But this is where I live okay, and I can dig it. No matter what, I just think, hey I am not in Stockton, and that kind of puts things in perspective for me.

Hello you. Lookin pretty good there. Did you lose weight?!

I wish I worked in a big fat office full of people where I could walk around the cubicles, peep over the walls, and hobknob with folks all day. I would fiddle with my tie and carry around a coffee cup that says “WORLDS BEST DAD.” Most people seem to think that cubicle jobs are rotten, horrible things, but I disagree. You get a computer that has solitaire and hearts on it and you can dicker around all day! That’s my career dream.

However, there is no time for career advancement now as it is almost Thanksgiving break. Boy oh boy! I’m really excited this year because I am not going to visit all 3000 family members like I usually do. Visiting family is just plain cranky business.

Also there is like a brewery at home that I did not even know about. Michael’s beer magazine has rocked my world. Man, if there is something I love more than cheese and not visiting my family it is going to breweries to get sample beers. God bless sample beers!

Finally, to put us all in the holiday spirit, I would like to tell you about the Raspberry man. Michael and I were on the bus the other day and we starting hearing these super loud raspberry sounds. It was like a baby had gone wild or something. So I look behind me and there is this fancy old man, wearing suspenders and a fedora and holding a real nice cane, making raspberries like nobody’s business. He sounded like the happiest baby, going all “thbbbthhh, bbbthh,” plus he looked super pleased with all his spittle flying everywhere. So, in conclusion, have a good fatty Thanksgiving.